I had a bit of a realisation today.

I have a bit of an attitude problem. Not in the way that you’d think, but just… I just have this tendency to write people off too quickly if I think they are wasting my time or energy. Classic example was listening to lectures from last semester: I could not bear listening to second year University students discussing their very… elementary… ideas on the policy cycle. I literally had to turn it off because I found myself heckling the audio stream and Jason was pretty close to having the human catchers come to get me with a big net and haul me off to straitjacketsville. I have this horrid tendency to think I am the only person on the planet.

As part of my prep for GAMSAT to get into Medical School, I am taking three 1st Year Science classes. Chemistry, Physics & Vertebrate Anatomy. I am very excited about this prospect, having only ever studied Arts and being quite bored with it (see above), and I am finally seeing my plans for Med School come to fruition.

This morning, I was having a whinge to Jason about the posts from 1st years on the message boards. You know, obvious questions… sometimes quite immature discussion. They’re kids. And I was getting ranty about it. And I had a realisation that *I* was the one with the problem. Of course they’re anxious, they’re wanting to do well and please. They aren’t jaded and cynical and resenting the system like me. And then I realised that I was a) being too harsh and b) had better get used to it.

Because at that moment I realised that if I have any chance in hell of coping with the hierarchical nature of Medical Training, I need to get my shit together and stop being such a bitch. Because the reality is, I will be starting Medical School at the age of 33. There will be people in the hospital system and beyond that are 10 years younger than me and outrank me. And if I go to Medical School with a chip on my shoulder or arrogance, I am either not going to make it, or I may make a stupid mistake that might kill someone.

So, as funny as it is to mock the young folk and their naivety, I have instead decided to use this semester as a way to learn to be on equal footing with people that either may be younger or less experienced than me. Which, for someone with an ego like mine, is really hard to do. But, I am going to try, because all I need to do is piss off the Neuro consultant who is younger than me and there’s all my hard work gone.

In many ways, Medical School Prep is not just about the grades or the test preparation, there is a lot of personal growth that needs to occur in order to be a good Doctor. And I want to be a GOOD Doctor.

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