Téa Brennan's Stuff.
  • Popular Culture
  • June25th

    It is currently 1 degree celsius outside, which, by Australian standards, is about 5 degrees higher than the coldest night Perth has ever had. It’s cold. I am wearing layers and have a heater. It’s cold.

    And what are some people doing tonight? Why, they are camping outside the new Apple Store that opens tomorrow, that’s what. As you do.

    There is no new product. The iPad came out last month and it is available at several other stores. The iPhone 4 is out, I guess, but it’s a phone and most likely going to be available at every mobile phone kiosk at the same time.

    Now, maybe I am just old, but WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE SLEEPING OUT FOR A NEW STORE? It’s not like they are going to get anything, right? Is Steve Jobs going to come down from Heaven and jizz iTunes vouchers all over everyone? Hardly. Maybe a couple of people might get an umbrella but shit, you can buy one on eBay if you’re particularly desperate.

    Now, look, we are an Apple family. To date, we own:

    • 1 iMac
    • 2 Macbook pros
    • 2 iPhones
    • 1 iPod touch
    • 1 iPod shuffle
    • 1 LED screen
    • 1 x Mac Mini
    • 2 x iPads

    And even this:

    Yes, that is an Apple lamp in my office. Shut up, it’s got nice light.

    We really like Apple.

    However, I need to officially distance myself from the Apple fanbois from now on because you know what? Apple fanbois give me the absolute shits. I know that people like to have a laugh at Apple’s expense and say that it’s all just hype, and blind oohing, aahing and eventually purchasing of everything Jobs shits out at the keynote, and it is this claim that frustrates me to no end.

    And you know why? Because the fanbois make a company that actually makes very good quality products seem like nothing but a shiny gadget for the mindless, designer-label-consuming middle class. Instead of being seen with credibility and quality, as both Apple hardware AND customer service deserve, it ends up being aligned with latte-sipping, cargo-pant-wearing snotty nosed brats.

    My computer is a workhorse. I switched to Mac for purely business reasons, and it is now my preference… but HOLY FUCK you idiots who are sleeping outside the Apple store? You make me look like a fucking idiot whenever I try to present a serious case for why Macs are more than just “hip”. They are excellent computers that are still running years after the best-config PC has died. I can ring Apple Care and get brilliant customer service. I can order a computer and it will arrive within 24 hours, and there will very rarely be a problem.

    And yet, somehow, I am now aligned with the idiots who will go out in the freezing cold, for GOD KNOWS WHY and for GOD KNOWS WHAT, and yet again, I have to sit there, with my Apple lamp, thinking that somehow these people have managed to turn a computer into a religion. And Karl Marx always did say that religion was the opiate of the masses and I start to think “man, that guy was right”. And then I think that Karl Marx may have used a Mac and I get pissy again.

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  • January22nd

    I love my country. I also hate the people in it sometimes, mostly because I watch them bastardise and manipulate our traditional ideals of a fair go… and turn it into individualism, hatred and fear.

    I loathe those "Fuck off, we’re full" (aimed at Asian & Middle Eastern Migrants, and predominantly adorrned on the cars of people from the UK & their descendants – IRONY!) and the "don’t love it, then leave!" (firmly aimed at anyone who has an issue with racists, or other "bleeding heart" Policy experts) stickers. I loathe the use of the Southern Cross as a tattoo. I absolutely recoiled in disgust at the vision of Pauline Hanson (not our most racist, but certainly our most stupid politician ever) wrapped in our flag.

    Belle Taylor wrote this article today about reclaiming our flag, which is on the verge of being positioned in much the same nauseating way the American flag has been in the past. It is fast becoming a symbol of "like it or leave", "with us or against us" nationalism, which frankly, makes me sad.

    Because that’s not what it should be about.

    My love for my country is private. It is not a competition and it is most certainly not proven by gross displays like flags (made in Taiwan by exploited labour in the Asian nations the racist sentiments are aimed at… it makes me sick thinking about it.).

    I respect the flag that young men and women have died for (no matter how much I disagree with their fighting). When I sing our National Anthem, it actually mentions virtues such as tolerance, immigrants (in the second verse that these racist dumb fucks actually don’t bother to learn) and reward for hard work. You know, that whole nation-building stuff.

    My love for my country is not an all-or-nothing love. If you see someone you love making a huge mistake, you sometimes need to express it. In fact, if you love someone, it’s your obligation to tell them when they stink.

    Because you would always tell your best friend if they have B.O. because you would hope they’d do the same for you. THAT is how you love someone.

    Loving your nation is not about displays, or gimmicks, or drinking, or fireworks. It’s about working towards trying to make it a better place. And to make it a place where everyone wants to come because they know they’re welcome.

    The people who seem to contribute the least to this nation seem to be the ones that are the biggest culprits in flag-wearing. but it’s not enough. It’s just an excuse to act like a racist buffoon, get drunk, and harass the "do-gooders" who actually find your behaviour disgusting.

    So yes, in part, it’s about taking our flag back. But it’s also about the "do-gooders" standing up, saying "NO MORE" and actually saying that tolerance, hard work, and welcoming those people without the luxuries that we have every single day is the gold-standard.

    It’s about acknwoledging our Nations woeful mistakes (starting with acknowledgement that our Indigenous folk don’t like Australia Day) as well as our spectacular achievements. It’s about reflection, acknowledgement and yes celebration.

    It is not Lemon Ruskis and a spa on the foreshore whilst wearing an Australian flag bikini.

    And it’s about people finally saying "enough is enough" and egging the cars with those fucking stickers on them and calling people on it. It’s the only way to go.

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  • November5th

    I have been thinking a lot about the whole “social media” thing, the whole blog thing, the whole “OMG she swears” thing of late and I still don’t have an answer. I have been using Twitter and Facebook for a long-ish time, and I am conflicted.

    I run a comedy blog where I talk about stuff that I would NEVER talk about on the LinkArtist blog. I have many different places for a lot of different thoughts.

    Just this week, I have been speaking on social networks about my health problems and my quest for a diagnosis. Sure, my friends and family are interested… but does it reflect on my professionalism? Does it help to explain to clients, on a subliminal level, why I might fall behind on occasion? And more importanty, does it *damage* any perception of my professionalism?

    Some of my friends think YES. Some think NO. My friends, it seems are pretty well representative of my inner conflict.

    We’re all aware of the “Facebook gone wrong” or more recently the furore over the woman who tweeted her miscarriage during a boardroom meeting. Or all the well-meaning advice about appropriate conduct online… and frankly, I am confused as shit about all of it.

    Because as the boss of my very own company (that is quite personality-centric), Twitter and Facebook are excellent ways for people to get to know me better. They are also places where I meet old school friends, talk shit with my “real” friends, and network with colleagues and potential and current clients. It feels like a big warm & fuzzy melting pot, where often my status updates take on a life of their own in the comments… and on a good day, it’s all love and kisses and hugs.

    But on a bad day, I look at the stuff I share and I am worried about how it looks to people who aren’t in on the joke. And especially to those prospective clients who don’t realise that my online persona is 20% of who I am.

    I go through stages where I use social networks a lot. I also go through stages where I just cannot bear to look at any of it and it just becomes too much input… but ultimately, I really enjoy social networking and that “in the moment”, off the cuff kind of communication that I enjoy.

    But, you know, I have SAID SOME SHIT. 99% of the time it is tongue-in-cheek, or deliberately provocative, or just plain vulgar (let’s be honest here). You can generally assume that when I say something there is a big fat smiling face behind it… but I am also acutely aware of the fact that a “foul-mouthed smartarse” (which roughly translates as “woman with opinions”) might turn people off.

    I mean, I have a business to run and a reputation to uphold.

    And it is these quite conflicted thoughts that run through my head. Ultimately, I end up deciding that a “take no prisoners” approach works for me. I think to have to eat shit and pretend that I *don’t* think these things is probably more damaging in the long run than saying a few dirty words. But it nags me.

    Am I just being naive?

    Am I seeking instant gratification over long term success?

    I go through stages where I lockdown my Twitter feed, or cull Facebook friends (usually because of some interaction with a douchebag who just doesn’t get that I have an online persona separate to me as a person) when I have serious doubts about how my online behaviour might be perceived.

    At a meeting with a colleague, he said to me how he talks about my services to (quite important) people, but then inserts a disclaimer “be aware, she swears a LOT” to any potential followers. He doesn’t give me any indication that it’s actually a problem, but I find it interesting that my language is how I am perceived, over the IQ, the good friend, the passion & conviction and the comedian that I see myself as.

    It’s all a bit. But how do you explain it?

    Should a friend who understands what you are about, who is promoting your services, HAVE to explain?

    In other words, am I that uncle that hurls abuse at people whilst his family meekly apologise for his behaviour because “we love him, but that’s just how he is.”

    And where do you draw the line?

    And is it arrogant of me to assume that people know I am being facetious? That I am a multifaceted, educated, ballsy woman who just happens to enjoy saying the things that noone dare think?

    I think all of these things briefly, and then I decide “FUCK IT”. And I post about my urine jug on Facebook.

    My business has exploded since being on Twitter and making connections there… but it would be arrogant to assume that it was because of my brutal honesty and comedic candour… and not that my business could actually be bigger if not for my big fat mouth.

    What do you do? How do you reconcile it?

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  • August16th

    I have been watching the Olympic coverage in dribs and drabs (mostly because Channel 7′s coverage is, well, SHIT), but I have been reading fair amounts of news coverage of the events. Anyway, this incredibly sexist article caught my eye, and I thought to myself "Jesus Christ, what a pig", and left it at that, fully intending to blog about it, but, like always, neglecting to. :)

    Anyway, I was reading one of my favourite blogs, and Kate Harding summed up pretty much exactly what I was thinking when I read this article, so I might just be lazy and link to it… fuckit, we’re in the midle of an election and my attention span is all of about 2 minutes right now!

    It is, apparently, all about the Boobies.

    I think that these comments really sum up why I am a feminist. I am a feminist, because no matter what I accomplish, no matter what I achieve, no matter how successful I am, I am acutely aware that it is my body, my face, and my boobs that are my true measures of success.

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  • December16th

    If you haven’t seen Charlie the Unicorn yet on Youtube, well, see it, because otherwise this post won’t make any sense.

    I was filming about the place the other night and found the kids in the bath calling “Chaaaaarlie”. Who said my kids were geeks? OK, I did.

    Mina also wanted me to set her up with a World of Warcraft account… I wish someone would come out with something similar (BUT NOT TOONTOWN which is shit) for younger kids… anyway…

    YouTube Preview Image
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  • August29th

    I was readjusting my MySpace Top 8 today (it was horribly outdated and yes, I am THAT fickle!), and I stumbled on a link to http://www.nelliemckay.com. It seems like Nellie has wrangled her dot com away from Columbia and is releasing a new album — IN THREE WEEKS!!!

    I have been borderline-obsessed with Nellie since I first saw her on Conan in 2005. She is an artist that doesn’t compromise (often to her detriment ), is an activist, and first and foremost, is a guaranteed musical orgasm for Jazz enthusiasts, music fans and troublemakers alike.

    In other words, she’s hella cool.

    I was surprised to see another album coming out just 11 months after the release of Pretty Little Head, but, granted, that album was delayed, and delayed, and delayed… and when Nellie broke up with Columbia, delayed even further. She eventually got the album out under her own label (Hungry Mouse), and I figure that this is actually a timely release given the delays.

    Anyway, if you haven’t had me jumping up and down demanding you listen to this girl yet, well, you’re in the minority. C’mon, grab “Get Away From Me” from iTunes, listen through the album 3 times, and you will be hooked.

    In the meantime, I am about to put in my preorder….

    EDIT: Stephanie (in the comments) posted a Youtube video tht I had forgotten about, and is one of my favourite all time “The View” moments. Watch Star Jones’ face as she realised the song “I Wanna Get Married” ain’t quite what she expected. Also note Joy Behar’s face throughout the whole thing. She is cacking herself.

    (You mean, they don’t listen to artists they book? A producer is laughing their arse off somewhere I think)

    Anyway, go Nellie!

    YouTube Preview Image
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  • August27th

    Lisa appeared on Fox & Friends last night (morning NY time), and they needed some video for the segment. Well, guess who the keeper of all things Lisa is? Me :)

    So I provided the Fox network with footage, and even sat and watched 2 hours of the show to see Lisa on it (and to see my video…yes… I am a narcissist).

    I even laughed a little.

    I feel so dirty.

    :)

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  • August15th

    That phrase is all I have been singing for the last week. Don’t you hate it when songs are so catchy that they stick in your head like that?

    I didn’t even know who Amy Winehouse was, except for when I saw her pictures on Perez Hilton and DListed and had no idea. Only heard the song “Rehab” 2 weeks ago and I haven’t been able to stop singing it.

    Jason has caught the bug too… and we kep substituting different lyrics, e.g “Mummy tried to change my nappy, I said “no no no”" etc etc.

    I am going to have to buy the album I think. its just THAT annoying. :)

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  • July4th

    The Simpsons Movie site has a great example of Flash done well, but it also has an application where you can create your Simpsons avatar. Its great fun! Here is mine:

    simpsonavatar.gif

    hehehehehehehhehehehe. Check it out here and show me yours!

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  • December16th

    (also posted on The Spin Starts Here)

    I bought a small ironing board from IKEA not so long ago that was called, uncannily, a PRESSA.

    I have seen others before that make me laugh, like the DOKUMENT, err, document tray, or the RINGUM circular rugs, but I really believe I have seen it all now.

    I was looking for some more table & storage space for my office, and was browing the IKEA online catalogue. I give you the perfect piece of furniture for all those internet porn addicts.

    Whats the funniest IKEA product name you’ve ever seen?

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