July26th
Marriage takes compromise.
I decided we should get a dog, Mina decided we should get a dog & Jules decided we should get a dog. Jason said we shouldn’t and that we better not come home with a puppy because we were going out to dinner. So I bought a puppy and I pick it up tomorrow.
Marriage takes compromise, like I said.
July25th
Tonight’s leadership debate has further proven the contempt that both major parties seem to have for the Australian people. They focused on vilifying refugees – the most vulnerable people in the WHOLE WORLD – and chose to ignore issues like health, aged care, aboriginal essential services (which are embarrassing), youth, education… the list goes on.
In other words, they focused on 0.01% of people who DON’T VOTE at the expense of everything else. Shame.
I am embarrassed that these two people are the top of the pile of our elected representatives. What’s worse is that I know this isn’t true – there are good people in all parties and these two are the ones that have schemed their way to the top.
I am both embarrassed to be Australian and proud to be Green today. But holy shit, I am disappointed that people even think that either of these two people are fit to lead this country – the one that was apparently built BY IMMIGRANTS WHO FLED WAR (including their OWN PARENTS), the one that mythologises the Fair Go but in reality is all about resentment over someone they *perceive* to be getting more than them.
It’s disgusting.
July24th
I am going to a charity ball on Friday night for Lifeline. It’s the inaugural Black Diamond Ball and it is going to be great fun. But I wanted to take a moment and just acknowledge my amazing community of Twitter friends, a lot of whom are going to the ball, but who have also courageously shared their stories about their struggles with depression in the last few weeks. I want to particularly single out my friend Seb, who has set up this brilliant blog where he pours his heart out. Tell me you aren’t instantly smitten with this man. I dare you.
Which, sort of makes it my turn. I blogged last week about being diagnosed with ADHD and how weird that is. And obviously with the stresses of the last 2 years (premature baby, financial problems, health problems, Jason’s injury, grandma’s death) it is understandable that even the most rock solid person would be tested. And I am still very much in grieving mode. I am still aching inside whenever I think about my dear Grandma and how much I miss her already.
People spoke to me through this process as if I was coping well, when inside, I really, truly, was not. I am good at pretending everything is OK, but of course Jason bears the brunt of it. I take Cymbalta to help me get through the day and sometimes it is not enough, and so sometimes I smoke or drink to numb when things are stressful.
I have been depressed for many, many years. In fact, if you held a gun to my head I would probably say that I have been depressed for most of my life. Part of it was the curse of being “gifted” and always feeling different to other kids, but part of it was always how I had such a low opinion of myself that I was my own worst enemy.
I am going to confess something to you. It’s hard work. Without a combination of anti-depressants, stimulants, painkillers and hormones, I am a babbling, crying, screaming, irrational mess. This cool, calm, fairly snarky but otherwise quite together person is not only expensive to maintain, it’s hard work some days. I suffer from clinical depression. I need to be on medications for the rest of my life. And I am forever thankful that I live in 2010 where a) I can get the appropriate treatment and b) people, for the most part, don’t judge.
I find it hard to talk about because people still misunderstand. They think that because I am depressed that I am not happy with my life. My Grandma was a big one for never truly understanding that suffering depression is not about being unhappy with your life. She never understood that you could be miserable and suffering even if you didn’t have a reason for it. In fact, it’s really only clinical depression if there is no reason… but she found it hard to believe.
I find it hard to experience real joy. And my mood often cycles. I assume that every single person that meets me hates me, or finds me a nuisance, or whatever. I don’t take compliments. And despite my bravado, I truly aim very hard to please others because I never feel good enough.
I have a lot of anger and resentment about my “parents”, and as much as I try not to be a mean person, sometimes I am. I lose my temper a LOT. I sabotage friendships, I get paranoid and jealous and have been known to hurl things at my husband’s head. It’s certainly… tumultuous.
But, I do OK. I try to be positive and take pleasure in the little moments, and the medications help a lot. But, I just felt like with a few other friends being open about it and me going to the ball, that it might help others to talk about it as well.
July20th
I want to talk about something that has been bothering me for a while, and that is so-called “Social Media Experts”.
It’s getting worse, people.
Legitimate web businesses, and real internet consultants, are up against one of the biggest scams there is: self-proclaimed “Social Media Experts” who blind people with technobabble in order to sell what is basically a free service combined with common sense. It started with Black Hat SEO (till Google penalised them), continues with the re-badging of Open Source software, and extends into the opportunistic field of self-proclaimed “Social Media Expertise”.
There is a sub-class of salesman, who were too immoral for Used Car sales, who attended the Internet Summit Spamway Conference and think they can offer consultancy services for the low low price of $97. It’s a crock.
I am writing this because I have had enough of good people being conned. I am hearing more and more of companies shelling out thousands of dollars to these “experts”, or going to their free “social media seminars” (which is code for “let me sell you internet timeshare”), and getting poor advice that is nowhere near strategic and absolutely does not justify the money spent.
I get it. You’re busy. You don’t have time for social media. I understand that there are a lot of people who really have a hard time grasping technology, and mean well, and you think that it is something you can pay someone to do. It’s not that simple. And anyone who says it is trying to steal from you.
Social Media is SOCIAL. You would not crash a party with quotes from Gandhi, interspersed with vapid self promotion – would you? I would hope not. Would you send an actor to play you at a gathering? I would hope not. Would you turn your back and walk away if someone came up to you and asked you a question? Well, that’s just rude. And would you just say nothing, and hand out a printout of your latest Press Release? That’s rude, right? And yet this is the shit that these people are telling you to do.
I am going to let you in on a secret: you are being taken advantage of.
Noone follows these people. Noone respects these people. And these people most certainly don’t have a community around them.
You know who does?
REAL PEOPLE. People who turn up to the party, have a drink, have a chat and just make friends. THAT IS SOCIAL MEDIA.
Every single person is already an expert in social media if you can talk to people and make friends. The online reflects the offline, and if you just be yourself, you will succeed on the internet. Sure, you may not have the 30,000 followers that the salesmen have guaranteed (read: bought) you. You might only have 1000. But 1000 quality followers is better than 50,000 crap ones. And if you are authentic, and be yourself, you’ll get 1000 quality followers in no time.
Every single person already has the tools to use social media. Twitter, Facebook, Google, Blogger, WordPress, HTML, Javascript, they’re all just words for the technologies you use to communicate the way you always have. It’s no mystery and it’s unethical to pretend it is.
If you are paying a consultant to advise you on social media, if they are only giving you advice on tools, then run in the opposite direction. Because if they are focused on tools, they don’t get it. 95% of the good advice on social media doesn’t actually involve which tool to use, or how to do it. If your consultant is not spending 95% of their time talking about concepts rather than tools, they are a lemon.
To really get social media takes a paradigm shift. A good consultant will help you to understand what is happening and how to adapt to it. If they are using a lot of jargon about the tools, your expert is crap. Because frankly, if you cannot figure out how to type what’s happening in 140 characters or less, you don’t need an adviser, you need a miracle of neuroscience.
It’s obvious.
As I have said, Social Media is social. I cannot emphasise this enough. If you are not prepared to be yourself, or to let your employees be themselves, then seriously, do us all a favour and get off. You annoy us. We aren’t interested in your Press Release, or your PR messaging, or your carefully crafted spin. Keep it on your website with your RSS & Email subscription forms readily visible. We know how to find you.
On social media networks, we want to engage with three dimensional people.
Every single social media success has a personality. And furthermore, they allow their employees to be themselves. If you are selling me your crap without talking to me first, don’t even bother. Because I buy from my friends.
If I have one wish, it is that people will become more savvy and learn to spot people that are trying to dupe them. They are easy to spot. They use Twitter poorly themselves. They will post Retweets, quotes, articles, but not engage or reply much. They may appear to have 10,000+ followers, but the quality of their followers is poor (and generally their fellow conmen). They focus on the tools rather than the philosophical concepts. They will tell others how to tweet more “professionally” or with an inauthentic, robotic voice. And they will ask for money in exchange for setting up a Twitter account… possibly for a figure with a 7 at the end of it (don’t you know, it’s Spamway psychology!).
If you’re going to jump into social media, do it with an open mind and an open heart. The rest will take care of itself.
July18th
I had a bit of a realisation today.
I have a bit of an attitude problem. Not in the way that you’d think, but just… I just have this tendency to write people off too quickly if I think they are wasting my time or energy. Classic example was listening to lectures from last semester: I could not bear listening to second year University students discussing their very… elementary… ideas on the policy cycle. I literally had to turn it off because I found myself heckling the audio stream and Jason was pretty close to having the human catchers come to get me with a big net and haul me off to straitjacketsville. I have this horrid tendency to think I am the only person on the planet.
As part of my prep for GAMSAT to get into Medical School, I am taking three 1st Year Science classes. Chemistry, Physics & Vertebrate Anatomy. I am very excited about this prospect, having only ever studied Arts and being quite bored with it (see above), and I am finally seeing my plans for Med School come to fruition.
This morning, I was having a whinge to Jason about the posts from 1st years on the message boards. You know, obvious questions… sometimes quite immature discussion. They’re kids. And I was getting ranty about it. And I had a realisation that *I* was the one with the problem. Of course they’re anxious, they’re wanting to do well and please. They aren’t jaded and cynical and resenting the system like me. And then I realised that I was a) being too harsh and b) had better get used to it.
Because at that moment I realised that if I have any chance in hell of coping with the hierarchical nature of Medical Training, I need to get my shit together and stop being such a bitch. Because the reality is, I will be starting Medical School at the age of 33. There will be people in the hospital system and beyond that are 10 years younger than me and outrank me. And if I go to Medical School with a chip on my shoulder or arrogance, I am either not going to make it, or I may make a stupid mistake that might kill someone.
So, as funny as it is to mock the young folk and their naivety, I have instead decided to use this semester as a way to learn to be on equal footing with people that either may be younger or less experienced than me. Which, for someone with an ego like mine, is really hard to do. But, I am going to try, because all I need to do is piss off the Neuro consultant who is younger than me and there’s all my hard work gone.
In many ways, Medical School Prep is not just about the grades or the test preparation, there is a lot of personal growth that needs to occur in order to be a good Doctor. And I want to be a GOOD Doctor.
July18th
This morning, I woke up to a fun meme on Twitter. The #changelovetoknobsongs hashtag. For those that are unfamiliar with how these things take off, it generally means everyone gets on board, tries to have some fun with it, and after a little while, we all move on and everything goes back to normal. 95% of the posts are crap, but there is a portion that will have you laughing so hard, it is worth it.
When Julia Gillard ousted Kevin Rudd as Prime Minister, #spill was born. #ausvotes2010 has emerged as the hashtag for the Australian Federal Election. It helps people to connect, live, during an event on Twitter. The commentary is a mixed bag. Most of it is crap. But, there are a few gems in amongst it that really highlight the value of Twitter. Not only as commentary, but as a source of comedy. @kevinruddexpm seized that moment during the spill, providing us with lowbrow, but instantaneous humour during the leadership change.
And you know what? I love every minute of it.
Why am I comparing #changelovetoknobsongs to #spill? Well, why not? Both of those were sourced from the very same group of people. Both had roughly the same ratio of comedy to crap. And you know what? Yeah, it’s dick jokes. But that’s not even the point.
There were a few people who got on their high horses about the lameness of the meme. (@jasonjordan @lonefemaletog I am sorry if you think I am singling you guys out here - much luvs)… but the commentary revolved around it being an “embarrassment” for Twitter. That it is not something you would want to showcase as an example of the power of Twitter. That the jokes were lazy or that “professionals” (still confused about what that even means) would not appreciate the joke.
But the point of Twitter is that it is not the quality of the content, or volume, or even the sophistication of the jokes that matter. It’s that everyone can find an audience, and for a brief moment we can all suspend our grown-upness and be idiots and run with it in the hope of making others laugh. It comes from the ground up. Or, the gutter up, in many cases. But that is precisely why Twitter is so powerful.
Twitter is powerful because people don’t need to censor themselves. Smart people, “professional” people, academics, Doctors, Lawyers, Accountants, IT people, political people, retail assistants, 10, 12, 31, 45, 62… can all play on a level playing field and just be dumb and puerile for a little while. Because we are all 3-dimensional. I am a mother of 3 kids, own a business and have a high IQ. I also (surprisingly) know big words, have table manners and wear clothes from David Jones. I am going to be a Doctor and you know what? I find farts funny. And the day I stop finding farts funny is the day I become everything I hate.
I feel qualified to speak on this because I attract business because of who I am and how I say it on Twitter. I speak in an authentic voice and I make no apologies for doing so. I am friends with the most amazing group of diverse people, many of them “professionals”, and they love me for me. That’s how it should be. Airs and graces and pretence is an outmoded and dying concept. I am thankful to Twitter for allowing me to have my real voice out there.
Formality and hierarchy are slowly being eroded, and of course those who either don’t get that, or those who hold power because of it, will resist it. But ultimately, lowbrow or not, these are the things that are changing society for the better. Where a woman can swear and people *respect* what she’s doing. Where a Doctor or a Lawyer can be a *person* rather than a robot. Where a knob joke or a vagina joke has equal airtime to political commentary. It is eclectic, it is not always high quality, but there are gems if you are open to it. And that is why I will always defend it.
I don’t think I have laughed so much as after joining Twitter. It truly is crowdsourced comedy. And yes, like all crowdsourcing you’ll get amateur crap you have to sort through, but every so often, there is this glimmer of genius, or turn of phrase that makes you realise that it’s truly revolutionary. Not many get it or see it the way I do, I understand that, but you know, seriously, lighten the fuck up.
Poo. Bum and Wee. Burp. Fart.
July17th
I have been meaning to write a blog post about this for ages, but with the craziness of the last few months, I haven’t had a chance to write it. I was already going to ages ago, but some recent discussions with friends have made me feel like I need to say something.
It’s actually really embarrassing. And it shouldn’t be. I can talk openly about so many things. My depression and how Cymbalta has changed my life. My health and weight gain and thyroid/hormone problems and pour my heart out… and yet, because of ridiculous, baseless stigma, I am embarrassed to talk about it.
A year ago, I was diagnosed with ADD. It was such a life-changing, paradigm-shifting moment in my life – to realise that I was not lazy, or flawed, or neurotic – I just process information differently to other people around me. It’s embarrassing because so many people think (for better or worse) that ADD/ADHD is not real… or that those “true” ADD people are low achieving, wall & furniture climbing, jittery messes.
Some are. In fact, many of them are. 40% of kids with ADHD have a concurrent learning disorder. It is usually these – the boys – the furniture-jumping, skin crawling, acting out at school kids that get the most attention. It is also the predominant reason why kids who act out are mis/over diagnosed.
I was actually someone who did not believe that ADHD was a real problem. I too had a stereotype in my head of a bad parent failing to discipline their kids, using drugs as a convenience, failing to get to the bottom of the kids problems. It’s a stereotype that most people hold, and it’s often why so many kids are over-diagnosed – and a whole other subset of kids are under-diagnosed.
ADD often manifests differently in girls. They fit into the Inattentive subtype. Most of them are not hyperactive or fidgety. Many of them are not only not struggling, but are actually very intelligent. They daydream. They procrastinate. They are easily distracted and have exactly the same troubles with focus that ADHD kids do – but they often sit under the radar, and it isn’t until they are older that the strategies for getting through the school system start to unravel.
Because it’s one thing to turn up to school on time and another to manage the multiple stresses of being a grownup.
I did well in school because I was ‘gifted’ and coasted. And I’ll be honest with you, I never actually did anything. I skim read, used my photographic memory and gift for language not only through high school, but through my Undergrad degree and my Masters. And also made use of ability to hyperfocus on things I am interested in. But, when I think about it, I don’t think there was one prescribed text I read all the way through. I would say that I have a Masters in Bullshit.
I am one of the lucky ones. But it only makes sense now because of an accidental diagnosis, a whole bunch of testing, and a bucketload of reading, that all of these “personality flaws” really did just come under a banner. Drugs treat about 60-70% of it, but I have to make up the difference.
The thing about ADD is that a lot of the problems of the disorder, much like anything in the DSM-IV, occur in normal people to some degree. I mean, look at the definitions for most personality disorders and we can all relate on some level. However, the difference between a normal person and a person with a disorder is with functioning.
Ticking clocks, traffic noise, children noise, buzzing lights, radios, airconditioners annoy me to the point where I have to wear ear plugs. I have to have software that kills all social media, all websites, email, games, and all other possible tools, including Photo Booth, when I need to read or write.
Now of course, this used to just be “Téa”. Cranky, unbearable to be around, haha-so-funny-how-she-procrastinates. The famous “death stare” (which was really that moment where I’d drift off mid-conversation). But it stopped being funny and started causing me severe anxiety and depression…. because I just couldn’t function.
And yet, I am still embarrassed to talk about it. I have heard stories of young girls in private schools being prevented from doing TEE subjects because of their ADD. I have seen the press openly mock ADHD kids. I have seen this myth that ADHD = perpetual fuckup for so long that I even believed it.
It’s really just a difference. It’s given me understanding of why I find every single day so overwhelming and stressful – why I hate my mobile phone with a passion – why things that I know I am capable of are a struggle. And it’s just because I am different. I am also gifted in many ways – my memory and reasoning and other tools I have adopted to compensate are quite remarkable.
It saddens me that there are a whole generation of people who are told they are fuckups, or have an invented disorder, or suffer from depression and anxiety, who may not feel comfortable in either seeking diagnosis or talking about it. Because yes, I take stimulants to concentrate, and as a result I am a force to be reckoned with! I am not high, I am most certainly not “speedy”, and I am nowhere near “hyperactive”. I am a fairly quiet, smart, capable woman who has a different way of processing information.
I hope that others can eventually start to speak out against the stereotypes associated with ADD/ADHD, mental illness, Autism, Asperger’s – any of these things. Because it is only when we identify ourselves that people realise things aren’t as clear cut. And they may think twice before judging, or a parent may reconsider taking their kids off ADD drugs because of misconceptions or stigma. Or they may not feel like they have failed. And everyone has something that makes them different. I have medicine and tools for mine, luckily, and as a result I can go on to study Medicine. And yeah, I may occasionally wander off, or get distracted by shiny things, but, you know, that’s fun. When it’s healthy.
So as embarrassed as I am, I am writing this here that I have ADD. I am a flake. I struggle to focus on a daily basis and that’s OK.
Who’s next?
July16th
Mina: ” X Friend goes to basketball on Mondays, Girl Guides on Tuesdays, Netball on Wednesdays, dancing on Thursdays and gymnastics on Saturdays. Oh, and touch football on Saturdays”
Me: “Fark, when does the poor girl just get to be a kid?”
Mina: “On Tuesdays, before Girl Guides.”
Me: “…”
June25th
It is currently 1 degree celsius outside, which, by Australian standards, is about 5 degrees higher than the coldest night Perth has ever had. It’s cold. I am wearing layers and have a heater. It’s cold.
And what are some people doing tonight? Why, they are camping outside the new Apple Store that opens tomorrow, that’s what. As you do.
There is no new product. The iPad came out last month and it is available at several other stores. The iPhone 4 is out, I guess, but it’s a phone and most likely going to be available at every mobile phone kiosk at the same time.
Now, maybe I am just old, but WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE SLEEPING OUT FOR A NEW STORE? It’s not like they are going to get anything, right? Is Steve Jobs going to come down from Heaven and jizz iTunes vouchers all over everyone? Hardly. Maybe a couple of people might get an umbrella but shit, you can buy one on eBay if you’re particularly desperate.
Now, look, we are an Apple family. To date, we own:
And even this:
Yes, that is an Apple lamp in my office. Shut up, it’s got nice light.
We really like Apple.
However, I need to officially distance myself from the Apple fanbois from now on because you know what? Apple fanbois give me the absolute shits. I know that people like to have a laugh at Apple’s expense and say that it’s all just hype, and blind oohing, aahing and eventually purchasing of everything Jobs shits out at the keynote, and it is this claim that frustrates me to no end.
And you know why? Because the fanbois make a company that actually makes very good quality products seem like nothing but a shiny gadget for the mindless, designer-label-consuming middle class. Instead of being seen with credibility and quality, as both Apple hardware AND customer service deserve, it ends up being aligned with latte-sipping, cargo-pant-wearing snotty nosed brats.
My computer is a workhorse. I switched to Mac for purely business reasons, and it is now my preference… but HOLY FUCK you idiots who are sleeping outside the Apple store? You make me look like a fucking idiot whenever I try to present a serious case for why Macs are more than just “hip”. They are excellent computers that are still running years after the best-config PC has died. I can ring Apple Care and get brilliant customer service. I can order a computer and it will arrive within 24 hours, and there will very rarely be a problem.
And yet, somehow, I am now aligned with the idiots who will go out in the freezing cold, for GOD KNOWS WHY and for GOD KNOWS WHAT, and yet again, I have to sit there, with my Apple lamp, thinking that somehow these people have managed to turn a computer into a religion. And Karl Marx always did say that religion was the opiate of the masses and I start to think “man, that guy was right”. And then I think that Karl Marx may have used a Mac and I get pissy again.
June23rd
Oh, Rudd and Gillard
What the hell is going on?
Ranga PM? Ha!
